Cody is in a man’s body with the mind of a child. His body is growing faster than his mind and there are many challenges that come with that.

Cody had a huge tantrum last night. Tantrum not meltdown … there’s a difference.

When a young child has a tantrum, it’s inconvenient at best. When my son has one, it’s life threatening.

He was in a bathtub full of water.

It was ugly.

It was scary.

It was dangerous.

It was everything you never want to see happen to someone you love so unconditionally.

We are in the thick of tantrums because he doesn’t get what he wants. A full grown man living in a child’s world.

We have to have guidelines.

We have to have rules.

We have to ride this out just like you would with a young child but Dear God, it’s rough.

The next day, running through everything we’re doing to help him medically. All the questions. Is the medication suddenly not working?

Is it even medication related?

Do we make an appointment?

Do we give him more rescue meds when needed?

How long will we need to do this … until his mind meets his body or until he finally understands he can’t get everything he wants?

This medication journey is like a bandaid seeming to work well at first, then ultimately, finding it days later holding on loosely making little difference if any at all.

Will it always be this way? Like a bandaid?

Never really knowing how long it will last.

Will my son always be significantly younger minded with the body of a man?

This is the really hard stuff. The stuff that brings you to your knees hurting so deeply some days I think I may not recover.

I never thought about loving someone so much that I must toe the line in order to teach him right from wrong no matter what it brings … the destruction and self harm. Standing by just hoping and praying he doesn’t harm himself. We really are helpless. He’s too big. It’s too dangerous.

After … we simply clean up and continue. It’s just part of life now.

Part of living with a young child in a man’s body.

Some say you’ve done all you can do. It’s time to let the professionals “handle him.”

We are the professionals.

From one autism mom to another we forge on. Learning from the day before and never looking back with regrets.

As an autism parent, I don’t hope Cody will do the things we as parents hope our children will do or become, instead I hope Cody will one day live a happy fulfilled life free of overwhelming stressors or at least have better control of what he truly needs day to day to live that life…this is my only hope.

To follow more of Cody’s story, you can follow along with his family at Cody Speaks on Facebook.